Soul Crusher #4

"Thank you." -3rd grader in my program


Who knew those two words could almost bring me to tears of joy for the first time in weeks?

Soul Crushers #2&3

Today I visited the after school program run by the Chinese Information Service Center (CISC). There I met one of the cutest little boys EVER. His name was William and he had some precious things to say to me. They crushed my soul but in a very adorable way.

William: "When did you first have this kind of candy?"
Me: "When I was probably 3 or 4 years old. It was a long time ago... I'm kind of old."
William: "I know."
(I had just met him 2 minutes prior to this conversation)

Me: "What are you working on?"
William: "I'm writing a story. Did you know that when I grow up I am going to be an author?"
Me: "Really?? That is so cool! Have you written any books yet?"
William: "No, I'm not grown up yet."
Me: "But I bet you could write a short book, right?"
William: "No, I have to wait until I'm older."

Too cute for words. I now realize that kids can be really great. The kids in my program and I are still working on that.... :)

Passion and Procrastination

As I sit here, I should be writing a grant and not writing a blog post. Boo.

But I have some questions about passion:

- How do we find our passions?
- Why are we passionate about more things than others?
- What am I passionate about?
- When will I find something that I can be truly passionate about for more than 6 months? (or such short little periods of time)

Today I was asked to remember why I took my position with Americorps. I remember that it came from my passion to work within the city of Seattle. I wanted to work with youth... what's wrong with what I'm doing now then? How did I lose the passion to do those things?

Life right now seems a little too overwhelming to be real. I keep trying to get through each week. It's weird to think that when I used to be stressed, I would just try to get through the days. Now it's weeks? Like right now, I can't wait for the next 2 weeks to be over. After that, I have a small break until I need to be done with 3 more weeks and then I'll need to get past 3 months. This year is going to fly by and I won't have a chance to enjoy things at all? That is the most depressing feeling. How do I make this more enjoyable? I am continually searching with no answers. It's this constant sinking feeling. And it sucks.

I feel like the last few blogs have been kind of downers. I will try to find more hope in the coming weeks... that will be the goal even if things at work don't change.

Soul Crusher #1

Bill Cosby once (or probably thousands of times) said that "kids say the darndest things." I would agree with that, but would also add that kids say things that generally crush your soul a little bit as well. While I genuinely love the kids I work with, they honestly say some pretty funny/sassy/utterly mean things. Here is one of many to come...

After asking "Johnny" to sit in the back until he was ready to come do his homework, he sat there grumbling to himself. At one point he says, "Just because you don't have a boyfriend and have to be here, doesn't mean I have to be here."

Thank you "Johnny." Apparently a person's eternal punishment for being single is to become an after school program coordinator for small children.

The search for joy-filled experiences

Last night I had the pleasure of accompanying some theatre people out after their call backs for a play they were all auditioning for. As I sat there, they all chatted away about the different stresses and concerns that were brought up by the auditions. They kept apologizing to me for going on about it, and asked if I thought they were crazy for putting themselves through this.

And I said no.

No because even though it brings them the most heartache right now- in the end when things do come together for this play or another play, they experience great joy in what they did and are doing with their lives.

It made me think of the last time that happened for me. Has there been an event during my year of service so far that has brought me as much joy as say... an event that I did with SPRINT core last year? While I have been very focused on creating small moments of joy in my job for myself, I am now looking at the experience of these theatre students and my past experiences and wondering when what I am doing will bring me that kind of joy and fulfillment again. Again, I am steadily finding more joy in my job, but I just don't know if it's the kind of overfilling joy that I've experienced in the past and that's what keeps me searching.

Blessed?

You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.


You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.


You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.


You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.


You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.


You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.


-JC, The Message

Doing More, Buying Less

More on this in a little bit...but for now. I encourage you to read this article: "In Recession, Americans Doing More, Buying Less"

I’m trying to teach the kids that you don’t need to have expensive toys to have fun. You can make it fun, from anything.

- Igor Montoya, of Miami, on the growing trend to buy less and spend more time with family and friends, gardening, cooking, reading and other hobbies, along with volunteering for civic and religious activities. (Source: The New York Times)

Life on hold until January...

I put off the "What are you doing next year?" question until January... and it is now January 3rd- exactly 8 months until my term is over... hmmm

Thoughts? Anyone?