It was the first time...

Oh, it was the first time I fell in love
The first time I felt my heart
It was the first time I sang out loud all through the night
But before I knew I was lost
Before I knew I was a prisoner
And I still can't find a way to make it right...

- "Before I Knew" by Basia Bulat

Would you like fries with that?

Sometimes I can be super awkward, but it always makes for an interesting story...

Tonight going through the drive thru at Wendy's with a friend:

Worker: What would you like?

Me: I'll have a Jr. Cheeseburger with just cheese and ketchup... and of course the beef part too!

Worker: ....ok.....wait, WHAT? what about beef?

Me: oh, umm nothing! just a lame joke!

Worker: oh. anything else?

ugh. maybe you had to be there.

Cheesy 90's Pop Bands and Summer

Today I listened to the Goo Goo Dolls Pandora station at work and was instantly transported to summers spent working by the resort pool in Arizona....Besides the 500 lbs. towel carts and the gross trash and excrement that we were constantly cleaning... there were definitely some great memories...

-Catching bees in our water cups

-Getting pushed into the lazy river, constantly

-Drinking 3 pitchers of water within 2 hours and never going to the bathroom

-Summer lovin'

-Late evening thunderstorms

-Lighting the fire pit and almost blowing up the back island

-Staring off into the water while listening to hits from the Goo Goo Dolls play over and over and over and over again...

Good times. Isn't it funny what images and memories music can bring up?

And for your listening pleasure, one of my many personal favs:

"Broadway" by the Goo Goo Dolls

Writing

Writing in college seems like a dream now. I remember hating it and procrastinating until the very last minute, but...why? It's easy now to look back at paper writing and think about how silly it was to stress over them. Who does the final outcome of that paper really effect? Me and only me. hmm. At the end you even get a little prize (or punishment) for your hard work.

Real life reports and papers on the other hand make me want to vomit. Now, the report doesn't reflect just me, it reflects the programs, the organization, and the people/clients you are serving. Now, not only do you get positive or negative feedback, but it could also determine whether someone loans you money for your business or invests in your non-profit. Being the retrospective person that I am, now I wish I had taken more time and effort to write my papers ahead of time and get feedback from mentors and professors. I wish that I had put more into those things so that the now wouldn't be so hard.

Writing actually used to be really enjoyable. When did it go from enjoyable to dreadful? I have no idea...

Just a thought to share...

"As a rule, when we are suffering, we are so focused on ourselves, we have no time for others."  -mother teresa

hope.

Life is what you make of it

I once read a quote in one of my high school classrooms that said, "Life is what you make of it." For me, high school was one of the lowest points in life. Seeing that quote really made me evaluate the decisions I was making that made life so unhappy for me at the time. Since that point I have continued to live my life by that quote. When things are going wrong or people get on my nerves, I always just change my perspective. Whether that means pushing things away or trying harder to see a different perspective, I usually end up more content with life after that. Until now.

I have been continually writing and thinking about this search for joy. And I am continually trying to make life what I want it to be. There are two problems with this. One small thing being that I don't know what I want my life to look like. I had always pictured myself living a very nice, comfortable life until about 2-3 years ago. Now, while I think that is a great option, I don't know if I could live in the kind of comfort I have always thought of when others don't have the same options. But that's a whole other blog. :)

The biggest problem that is turning up with that quote is the word, "you." I am so focused on what I am making of my life that there is no room for what others in my communities or, most importantly, what God wants to make of my life. I really hate being cheesy and cliche about faith and those kinds of things. However, in this case, I really feel inadequate to change my view of what life is right now to me. I need help, and I can't keep turning to myself or even just my friends. For me, there is something greater and too often I fail to see that.

So maybe life is not what you make of it, it is what God makes of it? ...Or better yet, what you and Him make of it together. oh that mix of free will and predestination. (Now that is the beginning of another blog if I ever saw one...)

Good night!