Combining Loves to Create Joy

The title of this blog basically says it all. I'm trying to work on taking things that I love or am good at and combining it with my job (which is still not a love but we're getting there). I practiced that today and it turned out well. I can't wait to get more creative and explore ways to make life more enjoyable in general. That will be nice. :) It may involve being less involved in some areas of life and more involved with others. I don't know how I feel about that yet, but we'll see how it goes.

Gong Hai Fat Choy!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Confidence.

What I am practicing now is confidence. I realize that when my voice wavers for even a split second, the kids are able to pick up on that. It's hard for me because I've been trying to step back from being over confident about things for awhile now. It's going to take a lot of practice but it's finally working. 

Soul Crusher #4

"Thank you." -3rd grader in my program


Who knew those two words could almost bring me to tears of joy for the first time in weeks?

Soul Crushers #2&3

Today I visited the after school program run by the Chinese Information Service Center (CISC). There I met one of the cutest little boys EVER. His name was William and he had some precious things to say to me. They crushed my soul but in a very adorable way.

William: "When did you first have this kind of candy?"
Me: "When I was probably 3 or 4 years old. It was a long time ago... I'm kind of old."
William: "I know."
(I had just met him 2 minutes prior to this conversation)

Me: "What are you working on?"
William: "I'm writing a story. Did you know that when I grow up I am going to be an author?"
Me: "Really?? That is so cool! Have you written any books yet?"
William: "No, I'm not grown up yet."
Me: "But I bet you could write a short book, right?"
William: "No, I have to wait until I'm older."

Too cute for words. I now realize that kids can be really great. The kids in my program and I are still working on that.... :)

Passion and Procrastination

As I sit here, I should be writing a grant and not writing a blog post. Boo.

But I have some questions about passion:

- How do we find our passions?
- Why are we passionate about more things than others?
- What am I passionate about?
- When will I find something that I can be truly passionate about for more than 6 months? (or such short little periods of time)

Today I was asked to remember why I took my position with Americorps. I remember that it came from my passion to work within the city of Seattle. I wanted to work with youth... what's wrong with what I'm doing now then? How did I lose the passion to do those things?

Life right now seems a little too overwhelming to be real. I keep trying to get through each week. It's weird to think that when I used to be stressed, I would just try to get through the days. Now it's weeks? Like right now, I can't wait for the next 2 weeks to be over. After that, I have a small break until I need to be done with 3 more weeks and then I'll need to get past 3 months. This year is going to fly by and I won't have a chance to enjoy things at all? That is the most depressing feeling. How do I make this more enjoyable? I am continually searching with no answers. It's this constant sinking feeling. And it sucks.

I feel like the last few blogs have been kind of downers. I will try to find more hope in the coming weeks... that will be the goal even if things at work don't change.

Soul Crusher #1

Bill Cosby once (or probably thousands of times) said that "kids say the darndest things." I would agree with that, but would also add that kids say things that generally crush your soul a little bit as well. While I genuinely love the kids I work with, they honestly say some pretty funny/sassy/utterly mean things. Here is one of many to come...

After asking "Johnny" to sit in the back until he was ready to come do his homework, he sat there grumbling to himself. At one point he says, "Just because you don't have a boyfriend and have to be here, doesn't mean I have to be here."

Thank you "Johnny." Apparently a person's eternal punishment for being single is to become an after school program coordinator for small children.