Soul Crusher #7

Young Girl (in middle school): "Wow! You look so young! How old are you? You look too young to even be working!"

Barista at SLU Zoka: "I'm 25..."

Recent Lessons from... Country Music

When it comes to music, I tend to become an extreme addict once I find something that really catches my attention. My co-workers especially will vouch for the number of times I will listen to the same song on repeat for an entire day. It is a little ridiculous. Since September (okay, honestly June) my musical interests have been lingering in the heart of country music.

It's my belief that country music can answer almost any question. Wondering what to do this weekend? Well on Friday how about a little chicken fried, cold beer, a pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio up?  (Zac Brown Band's "Chicken Fried") Or on Saturday how about a French kiss, Italian ice, and Spanish moss in the moonlight? I mean, that's just another American Saturday night (Brad Paisley).

What about when you get bad news? What do you do? Well, you can go sky diving, Rocky Mountain climbing, and then go 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManShu (Tim McGraw). Honestly, the questions and answers are endless.

My favorite life answers come from the song "Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice. Whenever I need a reminder of how to live best in my communities or how I want/need to be treated by those I let into my life, this song's chorus gives a handy-dandy list of 8 reminders on how to live life:

1) Be a best friend.
2) Tell the truth.
3) Overuse "I love you".
4) Go to work.
5) Do your best.
6) Don't outsmart your common sense.
7) Never let your prayin' knees get lazy.
And most importantly...
8) Love like crazy.


Welp, happy Memorial Day Weekend! Now where did I leave my banjo...

What will be my story?

I recently shared an embarrassing story with a friend to help her on a bad day. Funny thing was that it wasn't mine (surprising, I know). It was my dad's. I texted him about it and he replied saying, "Guess I'm never going to live that one down, but if it brought a smile to someone it was worth it."

At times my life seems to hold bundles of awkward and embarrassing stories. My dad's statement made me think about the times when I've shared those stories and brought humor to others around me, even if at the time of the story, all they brought were awkward tension, embarrassment, and flustered-ness. It made me think even more about what my life story will be and whether I care more about my blunders or what I end up learning from them. For now, I've decided my story will be one of smiles and laughter sprinkled with adventure (okay, doused with adventure and spontaneity). What will be your story?

On the bright side...

Back in the summer... or fall... or early winter (Seattle seasons often blend together), Bandit's driver side window decided that it didn't want to work anymore. The window goes down fine and all, but rolling it back up takes a good 15 minutes and maybe two people. This is a problem because (1) usually I am driving alone, and (2) sometimes it decides to RAIN in Seattle. Obviously open windows and rain don't work so well together.

A new theme in life (that I might have decided just now) is to look on the bright side of things. So here is the list of 3 positive things that have come out of having a broken driver's side window:

1) My fast food intake has dropped by about 90%. You can't go through a drive-thru without rolling down your window. I know, I know- why don't you just go inside? Well, that defeats the "fast" part of the fast food experience- at least for me. Let's be honest though. If there's ever a need for a Crunchwrap Supreme, you can bet that you will find me inside that Ballard Taco Bell chowing down with Bandit parked outside. Oh, and with one of those Fire sauce packets that say "You had me at taco."

2) I have become a more careful driver. I am now terrified of being pulled over. Since my window is broken, I will have to open my door and I don't want the officer to assume that I am opening my door to attack them for wrongfully pulling me over (obviously they'd be wrong). Next thing you know, they have their gun drawn and it's all because Bandit's window decided to be closed off. I tend to exaggerate, but it seems possible. I have thought about making a sign that says "I am going to slowly open my door because my window is broken so please don't be alarmed." But that seems like too much work and I probably should be a more careful driver or maybe just a slower driver. Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket and that's one "never have I ever" that I'd like to keep for competitive purposes. (I love that game.)

3) While the weather has been getting nicer and I've wanted to roll down my window, I remembered that I have a sun roof. That's pretty legit. Driving down the Viaduct with the sun roof open and actual sun coming in... that is a life-is-good-even-when-life-sucks kind of moment.

Remember When...

Driving in the car with my mom a few years ago...

Mom: "Did you hear about Paris Hilton? How she was sick and so they took her out of jail?"
Me: "Yes, what about it?"
Mom: "I just thought they put people in an inferno when they were sick, not just take them out of jail."
Me: "Well... usually they put people in an infirmary, not an inferno."
Mom: "Oh... what's an inferno?"
Me: "A firey place like hell."


Oh, mom. :)

Mile High

Oh hello, place of my birth. See you tomorrow!

Sappy Love Movie Sunday

It's time to watch Dan in Real Life.



My hands are shaking
from carrying this torch
from carrying this torch for you

My lips are bleeding
from kissing you goodbye
from kissing you goodbye every night

My sheets are tearing
from sleeping in too long
from sleeping in too long with you

My hands are shaking
from carrying this torch
from carrying this torch for you

My head is where
it's always been
if only I knew where

My feet can't stand
that ground no more
It seems that I don't care

My hands are shaking
from carrying this torch
from carrying this torch for you

My lips are bleeding
from kissing you goodbye
from kissing you goodbye every night

My heart is pounding
yes yes yes
My mind just second guess
My love is so articulate
But I am such a mess

My hands are shaking
from carrying this torch
from carrying this torch for you

My lips are bleeding
from kissing you goodnight
from kissing you goodbye
it's all that I do

My sheets are tearing
from sleeping in too long
from sleeping in too long with you

My hands are shaking
from carrying this torch
from carrying this torch for you

What about the Love?

A few months ago I wrote about questions I started having about my faith. Those questions have obviously been on my mind on a daily basis, especially after writing that blog.

Recently I started a brand new job that came out of far, far, FAR left field. I work for a tugboat company. What? I know. It's weird and crazy and different and yet I haven't felt this much joy in what I do in awhile. It kind of throws me off sometimes that I'm experiencing so much joy doing this, but I'm not going to complain too much.

Not only have I been discovering joy in my job, but I have also been REdiscovering the joy I felt in this beautiful city, my wonderful community of friends, and slowly the joy I used to feel with God and faith...

After I wrote that initial blog, I thought a lot about what it would mean to give up believing in God. In fact I think I had gotten to the point where I knew what it would feel like to give up believing and not being part of the Christian community. And it's scary to say, but I was almost okay with it. I have been so fed up with so many aspects of the Church and things happening in general that my cynicism took over and I was on the brink of giving up.

3 things happened that started changing that course very quickly:

1. I went to church with a good friend before the holidays. A different church than I have been attending. To be honest it was definitely a more charismatic atmosphere than I am used to so I was slightly apprehensive as I stood there during the service. Towards the end they did an alter call. Again, I froze up a little and started feeling slightly uncomfortable. The friend I went with knew what I had been thinking about at the time and leaned over to pray for me instead. The words he spoke were so wise and full of truth. I felt barriers that I had set up start to fall and slowly let his words sink in. I left that day feeling slightly confused and dazed.

2. The whole rediscovering joy in my surroundings started happening. Not only was I experiencing joy, but I felt myself pouring out love to those around me again instead of the cynicism and doubt I had been full of for awhile.

3. About 2-3 weeks ago, I read this verse in my small group:

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

Love. I had been so ready to give up my faith in God, but what about the Love- this wide, long, high, and deep love?

I started retracing places in my story that I had felt God's overpowering love and I wondered how I would have come out differently if I hadn't been open to receiving that... I began going back to church and small group more open to receiving that love again and trying to be open to all the diversity of perspectives within the church...

I think I still have some figuring out to do. Until I do, I've decided not to give up quite yet.

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

A Cause for Optimism

"What Corrigan wanted was a fully believable God, one you could find in the grime of the everyday. The comfort he got from the hard, cold truth- the filth, the war, the poverty- was that life could be capable of small beauties. He wasn't interested in the glorious tales of the afterlife or the notions of the honey-soaked heaven. To him that was a dressing room for hell. Rather he consoled himself with the fact that, in the real world, when he looked closely into the darkness he might find the presence of a light, damaged and bruised, but a little light all the same. He wanted, quite simply, for the world to be a better place, and he was in the habit of hoping for it. Out of that came some sort of triumph that went beyond theological proof, a cause for optimism against all the evidence."  -Let the Great Wold Spin by Colum McCann 

Love Letter to the Emerald City

Dear Seattle,

This week-long trip has been a killer. Jacksonville has been great with friendly people speaking in slight southern drawls, pounds of fried goodness, surprise thunderstorms, and buckets of mango iced tea. However, Jacksonville is not you.

I know the last 6 months have been rocky to say the least. We had a wonderful summer frolicking in the sunshine with some of the cutest children. Then fall hit and I started seeing you in a different light. I even thought about leaving. Yikes! (Let's be honest. I was only thinking of going to cities that resembled your beauty and culture.)

During those rocky months, I would drive into the city or be at one of your amazing lookout points and try to remember how those views used to take my breath away. But I would feel nothing.

Something changed though. I rediscovered true joy and in the process rediscovered my joy and love for you. It looks like I'll be here for awhile. I'm ready to start soaking up rainy days snuggled on the couch with a cup of warmth and a good movie or book. I'm set for adventures tearing up this city with such wonderful friends (who I would never have met without you). I'm going to keep searching for my passions and following them right here with you.

I'm sorry for the momentary lapse of commitment. Let's try again, shall we?

peace,
K. Frank

FUNemployment

Right before Christmas I decided to take a leap of faith and jumped head first back into unemployment. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done and I think I aged about 10 years in the process. I took a small breather at home for the weekend, but have remained busy this week with a reunion with a friend from China and a 2-part interview (second part tomorrow) and unrelenting cough that seems to be sucking the life out of me.

The more I think about everything that's happened and what I've been thinking about the last few weeks, this whole thing has been more of a leap "INTO" faith than "of". Something about what I believed and loved is slowly shifting back, but I'm still trying to find the words to describe it.... welp, next blog! :)

Welcome back FUNemployment!

Inspirational Song of the Month

This song was featured in Morning Glory (seen with the glorious, Emily Y.) and it's been a great help in keeping the hopes high recently.

Driver Reads Braille

As I was driving today in Ballard, I was behind a car that had a license plate frame that said "Driver Reads Braille."

The first thought in my head was, "CAN the driver read braille or do they HAVE to read braille?" These are two very different things. I started getting nervous as we inched at 3mph along NW 56th Street and was quickly realizing that it was probably the latter.

As we came to the 4-way stop by the library, I maneuvered around the woman and saw that she had on HUGE, thick sunglasses that were obviously prescriptions. I am all for equal opportunity, but I think for driving there's a certain issue of safety involved. I also think you might have to see the road (and other drivers) for the most part...

I realize this blog might come off as highly insensitive. I'm sorry. I guess if the DMV thought she was fit to drive, then she should be fine! (Right?) Right.

Recent Thoughts

Over the last week I have found these 2 quotes popping up almost every other thought. Yes, they come from movies. (Yes, one of them is a cartoon BUT is probably one of the most heartwarming cartoon movies ever. This makes it okay.)

"Adventure is out there!" - Up

and...

"Get busy living or get busy dying." -Shawshank Redemption

A few days ago, Seattle experienced an intense snowing that basically shut down the city. I braved the roads in my little Volvo from California during some of the worst parts, a roommate and I sled down a hill on trash can lids, and for the first time in awhile I felt like life wasn't flying by. 

Today I fully realized that it is November 26th, 2010. The day after Thanksgiving. The end of November. What happened to summer and fall? What happened to all the days and weeks that literally just passed me by? I have never felt so boring in my life. While there have been some definite memories over the last 6 months, a lot of it has been utterly forgettable. 

It's time for a life change. It's time to "get busy living or get busy dying." "Adventure is out there" and I'm ready to start going for it. I'm usually full of more ambition and drive and it's time to start going for it again. What "it" is, is another question/blog entirely. However, I'm ready to start living the moments and experiences of life. Who's with me?

Highlights from the new J-O-B

One of my favorite ways to debrief things (via SPRINT core) is "high/low." Soooo let's go!

Lows (always start with low to end with a high!)

• Kids
• Angry parents
• Screaming dads
• The privilege and entitlement others feel/express
• Office dynamics- this isn't necessarily a low, but more of a weird/interesting culture I'm learning about/becoming part of
• Early Saturday mornings
• Spending 8 hours in a 32 degree hangar 

Highs

• Kids (love 'em and hate 'em)
• Amazing staff person.
• Mojo. The name of a girl in a class I shadowed. Met her sister, Pino, last week.
• Patient, understanding parents that don't blame you for things out of your control
• Basically being paid to exercise
• Being paid.

Questions

Recently I've been questioning to the core (as a friend put it) what I actually believe and have faith in. It's been something that's been growing since probably this summer if I'm honest.

To give some context, I've always considered myself a Christian. I grew up in the church and really decided in high school that this was what I believed and wanted in my life. In college I grew more passionate about it all when I realized what a fighter for social justice JC really was (unlike many of His followers).

Then came life out of SPU. The unforced Christian community that was sparse and far between. Then there were coworkers and new friends who had no Christian foundation and were doing just fine. There were friends that didn't go to church but maybe still believed. There were articles and videos and news bites that displayed the ugly side of Christianity/the Church. There were friends who just came to faith and spouted off extremely Evangelical language and thoughts that were overwhelming to someone who was so hurt by the church throughout high school. There's the fear of what happens if I don't believe, but should that be the only thing keeping me in faith? There were the problems and brokenness in my communities of work, home, and in my own life and God seemed to have little hand in helping those things. And supposedly the brokenness is all humans' fault?

Then I broke. Last week I finally broke down and thought about and verbalized these feelings for the first time. And it came down to finally wondering...

Is this real?

If the Gospel is supposed to be this freeing thing, why do I constantly feel so trapped? Why do I feel so sickened by the people who are supposed to be part of this larger "family"? If I believe in this God, do I have to be part of that community? Do I have to speak in that language and adapt to that culture?

It's really overwhelming at times. In the last couple weeks I have felt mostly burdened by these thoughts. I'm stuck staring down the crossroads waiting for something to happen to make my decision for me.  For over 20 years I've believed in this and I'm not sure what it looks like to give it up fully.... On the flip side, if I decide this is real then what does that look like because I should probably be more committed this time around...

So many questions...

2 Random Sightings on the Road

During the last couple of weeks I have encountered quite a few sights along the road of Seattle. My two favorite are below...

• In the car behind me I observed a man playing with his dentures kind of like this (but not as a dog of course): 

He just kept taking them in and out halfway while we were stopped at a stoplight.

• A man that was riding one bike while carrying a whole other bike on his shoulder. I guess this might not be weird in Seattle, but being the unmotivated athletic person that I am I was impressed.

Fly Away Home

I spent most of my time today either inside an airport (SEA, LAS, or SNA) or onboard a Southwest plane. I have always loved traveling, especially at airports where I love to just observe (and judge) my fellow travelers. Today’s experiences top some of the best airport times. The funniest things were said, eaten, read, seen, done…Ever. Below are some of the more epic parts from my journey. Enjoy!

• Pre-Airport: Today marks my parent’s 26th wedding anniversary and so being the kind-hearted daughter I am I purchased a bouquet of flowers for them at Pike’s at 8 am (talk about dedication). I asked one of the lovely women to make me a special bouquet for about $15 while I went to go pull out some cash. When I returned she had made the LARGEST bouquet of flowers that I have ever purchased. They literally took up the entire front seat of my car. When I explained I had to take them on an airplane, she said, “Oh, that’s fine! I will just wrap them extra special for you so they last until California!”
•  When my good friend, Alida, dropped me off at the airport, I texted her and asked if she had accidentally dropped me off at a senior center instead of the airport. I looked around and there was not one person under the age of 60. Note to self: 10 am on Wednesdays at SeaTac will have the same demographic as Denny’s during the early bird special.
• My flight had one stop and one layover. Our stop was in Reno, NV. When everyone that “needed” to get to Reno got off, I got up to use the restroom. There was one lady in line in front of me, and she said someone was inside already. They were taking forever so the lady went to the front of the plane. After she left, I saw that the door said, “occupied” but it was slightly open. I decided to open the door just to double check. Bad idea. There was a woman standing up, pants down, on her cell phone. I quickly shut the door. 5 minutes later and with four people in line behind me, the lady stumbles out the door horribly drunk, falls onto me and says, “I had the HARDEST time peeing in there!” I helped her stand back up and walked in the restroom only to see the floor covered in liquid. As I carefully tried to step around it, I finished quickly and went out to tell the stewardess. She seemed confused when I said that the woman might have “had an accident” because apparently the woman had also vomited on her way off the plane as well. Classy.
• A woman asked the stewardess if there was a way to charge her DVD player for her 3-year-old daughter. After the stewardess patiently said no, the woman pleaded for a plug-in because her DVD player was dead. No, ma'am there are not plug-ins on the airplane. When has there ever been plug-ins onboard a plane?
• Found out Burger King has a veggie burger. Not too bad.
• Throughout the day I got comments about the huge bouquet I was carrying around. My favorite comment/question was from an older woman working at Burger King- “Oh, did you just get married?” Yes, I just got married and decided to walk around the Vegas airport by myself with a huge-ass bouquet of flowers. 
• As I sat in my seat while people boarded the plane in Reno, a man sat down next to me when he saw the flowers and said, "I think this will be the best smelling seat on the plane!"
• I started to type up this blog in Terminal B in the Vegas airport when all of a sudden a bird flew right in front of me. A bird. In the middle of Terminal B in the Vegas airport. I looked up and there were 4 more sitting on top of a closed windowsill INSIDE the airport. w.t.f.

I left for the airport at 10am and finally arrived at my house (after dinner) at 8pm. What a day...

Soul Crusher #6

During our time to share inspiring stories, I was paired with my 85 year old admin assistant. I asked him if he had any inspiring stories from the week.
Him in his french, Yoda-like voice: "Nothing is inspiring to me. Everything is just normal."

Then after a few moments of silence he turns to me and says:
"You are very abnormal... (at this point my coworkers turn to hear the conversation) 
Your face...
is...
beautiful."

Coffee blog...

Follow my brother and his escapades as a novice coffee critic!

http://coffeeexploits.wordpress.com/