Questions

Recently I've been questioning to the core (as a friend put it) what I actually believe and have faith in. It's been something that's been growing since probably this summer if I'm honest.

To give some context, I've always considered myself a Christian. I grew up in the church and really decided in high school that this was what I believed and wanted in my life. In college I grew more passionate about it all when I realized what a fighter for social justice JC really was (unlike many of His followers).

Then came life out of SPU. The unforced Christian community that was sparse and far between. Then there were coworkers and new friends who had no Christian foundation and were doing just fine. There were friends that didn't go to church but maybe still believed. There were articles and videos and news bites that displayed the ugly side of Christianity/the Church. There were friends who just came to faith and spouted off extremely Evangelical language and thoughts that were overwhelming to someone who was so hurt by the church throughout high school. There's the fear of what happens if I don't believe, but should that be the only thing keeping me in faith? There were the problems and brokenness in my communities of work, home, and in my own life and God seemed to have little hand in helping those things. And supposedly the brokenness is all humans' fault?

Then I broke. Last week I finally broke down and thought about and verbalized these feelings for the first time. And it came down to finally wondering...

Is this real?

If the Gospel is supposed to be this freeing thing, why do I constantly feel so trapped? Why do I feel so sickened by the people who are supposed to be part of this larger "family"? If I believe in this God, do I have to be part of that community? Do I have to speak in that language and adapt to that culture?

It's really overwhelming at times. In the last couple weeks I have felt mostly burdened by these thoughts. I'm stuck staring down the crossroads waiting for something to happen to make my decision for me.  For over 20 years I've believed in this and I'm not sure what it looks like to give it up fully.... On the flip side, if I decide this is real then what does that look like because I should probably be more committed this time around...

So many questions...

2 Random Sightings on the Road

During the last couple of weeks I have encountered quite a few sights along the road of Seattle. My two favorite are below...

• In the car behind me I observed a man playing with his dentures kind of like this (but not as a dog of course): 

He just kept taking them in and out halfway while we were stopped at a stoplight.

• A man that was riding one bike while carrying a whole other bike on his shoulder. I guess this might not be weird in Seattle, but being the unmotivated athletic person that I am I was impressed.

Fly Away Home

I spent most of my time today either inside an airport (SEA, LAS, or SNA) or onboard a Southwest plane. I have always loved traveling, especially at airports where I love to just observe (and judge) my fellow travelers. Today’s experiences top some of the best airport times. The funniest things were said, eaten, read, seen, done…Ever. Below are some of the more epic parts from my journey. Enjoy!

• Pre-Airport: Today marks my parent’s 26th wedding anniversary and so being the kind-hearted daughter I am I purchased a bouquet of flowers for them at Pike’s at 8 am (talk about dedication). I asked one of the lovely women to make me a special bouquet for about $15 while I went to go pull out some cash. When I returned she had made the LARGEST bouquet of flowers that I have ever purchased. They literally took up the entire front seat of my car. When I explained I had to take them on an airplane, she said, “Oh, that’s fine! I will just wrap them extra special for you so they last until California!”
•  When my good friend, Alida, dropped me off at the airport, I texted her and asked if she had accidentally dropped me off at a senior center instead of the airport. I looked around and there was not one person under the age of 60. Note to self: 10 am on Wednesdays at SeaTac will have the same demographic as Denny’s during the early bird special.
• My flight had one stop and one layover. Our stop was in Reno, NV. When everyone that “needed” to get to Reno got off, I got up to use the restroom. There was one lady in line in front of me, and she said someone was inside already. They were taking forever so the lady went to the front of the plane. After she left, I saw that the door said, “occupied” but it was slightly open. I decided to open the door just to double check. Bad idea. There was a woman standing up, pants down, on her cell phone. I quickly shut the door. 5 minutes later and with four people in line behind me, the lady stumbles out the door horribly drunk, falls onto me and says, “I had the HARDEST time peeing in there!” I helped her stand back up and walked in the restroom only to see the floor covered in liquid. As I carefully tried to step around it, I finished quickly and went out to tell the stewardess. She seemed confused when I said that the woman might have “had an accident” because apparently the woman had also vomited on her way off the plane as well. Classy.
• A woman asked the stewardess if there was a way to charge her DVD player for her 3-year-old daughter. After the stewardess patiently said no, the woman pleaded for a plug-in because her DVD player was dead. No, ma'am there are not plug-ins on the airplane. When has there ever been plug-ins onboard a plane?
• Found out Burger King has a veggie burger. Not too bad.
• Throughout the day I got comments about the huge bouquet I was carrying around. My favorite comment/question was from an older woman working at Burger King- “Oh, did you just get married?” Yes, I just got married and decided to walk around the Vegas airport by myself with a huge-ass bouquet of flowers. 
• As I sat in my seat while people boarded the plane in Reno, a man sat down next to me when he saw the flowers and said, "I think this will be the best smelling seat on the plane!"
• I started to type up this blog in Terminal B in the Vegas airport when all of a sudden a bird flew right in front of me. A bird. In the middle of Terminal B in the Vegas airport. I looked up and there were 4 more sitting on top of a closed windowsill INSIDE the airport. w.t.f.

I left for the airport at 10am and finally arrived at my house (after dinner) at 8pm. What a day...

Soul Crusher #6

During our time to share inspiring stories, I was paired with my 85 year old admin assistant. I asked him if he had any inspiring stories from the week.
Him in his french, Yoda-like voice: "Nothing is inspiring to me. Everything is just normal."

Then after a few moments of silence he turns to me and says:
"You are very abnormal... (at this point my coworkers turn to hear the conversation) 
Your face...
is...
beautiful."

Coffee blog...

Follow my brother and his escapades as a novice coffee critic!

http://coffeeexploits.wordpress.com/

Sports Goals for the Year

Games to watch live:

1. Seattle Seahawks
2. Huskies Football
3. Huskies Men's Basketball (already saw women's)

3 Places to Go This Year

1. San Francisco (to be checked-off in t-minus 11 days)

2. Denver, Colorado

3. Bulgaria